Pain, pain, go away...........

July 20, 2005

Last weekend had its ups & downs (mostly downs), as Earl needed the Hydrocodone more frequently. I reminded him that our VNA nurse, Debra, said we could cut the backing on the Fentanyl patch to only apply half of it if he thought using the whole thing at one time was too strong, or we could get a different strength. On Friday, he did not want any part of it. By Monday evening (7/18), he said maybe he ought to try the patch again (the whole thing) so we applied it on his back. He still needs the Hydrocodone, but not as often. There is absolutely no reason for him to be in pain; the gagging/coughing fits he has are agony enough.

The beginning of his chemo is finally scheduled for Friday, July 22nd (Happy Birthday Sandy!) at 9:15 am. He will start at Dr. Klein’s office with one medicine and get the pump, then go to Porter Hosp. for a 2nd medicine where they will super-hydrate him. I have already picked up the two anti-nausea medicines prescribed by Dr. Klein’s office, so that is one less thing we have to think about doing on Friday.

Through the years, I have had self-image and confidence problems, but have never considered myself stupid, although I am certainly ignorant of many subjects and uneducated on many more. Given that, it seems to me with the gravity of Earl’s condition, it has taken an undue amount of time to get started on a treatment that MAY give him some relief. I often question whether or not we made the right decision in not going back to Rush for the chemo or stent surgery, or packing our bags and going to Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, IL. (Something about that place just did not sit right with me, although I left the decision up to Earl.) After the time spent at Rush, he told me several times that he wanted to stay closer to home, so I respected his wishes. I mentioned the stent again yesterday and told him we can call Dr. Warren anytime to arrange the surgery so that he can eat something. He said he does not want to go back to Warren or to Rush and wants to wait & see what the chemo will do first. So again we wait. In the meantime, between 3 cans (if we’re lucky) of Two Cal HN and some apple juice, he is only taking in around 1,500 calories a day, and anyone who has ever tried to diet will tell you that is not very much. Debra has told him a couple of times to try and build up some reserve of weight before the treatments, but he insists that his stomach just cannot hold any more than 3 cans a day. This is the highest calorie drink that we could find; pray that it is enough to sustain him in the rough weeks ahead.